207 - Shortie

So I’m reading my email and this advertising pane to the side says, “Swat Team Openings: Immediate Openings in 47 US States. We need your help. Starting Salary of $63,790.00 A Year”

Couple of reactions: Nice money... Shouldn't 'Swat' should be SWAT? My belief in your legitimacy has already begun to decay unless this is a team of renegade mosquito and fly swatters... Why do we need all these SWAT members?... 'US States' is redundant… Why is 'A' capitalized when 'of' is not…

So many questions, so little time...

Also, we got a company email telling us to 'dust of our boots' because the rodeo is coming, or Go Texan day is nigh, or some other redneckish nonsense is afoot (I kid... I like rednecks...)... am I right in thinking we're supposed to dust our boots off, or is there some magic in the dust of our boots?

Hell, I'm the girl who claims Jesus turned wine into water... what am I being all uppity about?

For some reason I was just thinking about Jack Handy... anyone remember Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy? My favorite was this one:

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

But this one also cracks me up:

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.


  1. I love Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy!!!
    Um,yeah Swat should be SWAT for sure... hmmm

  2. I used to own a book of collected deep thoughts. Those were the best.

    I think they capitalized "A" to emphasize it. I do the same thing sometimes in places I can't use Italics. Though other than that their complete bosh.

  3. LM - There was another one about an uncle they used to call Bear because he was always cranky and sometimes mauled people. Turns out he WAS a bear... But he made it funnier...

    TS - Like I just did, huh? Bosh... I love the word bosh!

  4. Personally, I got a real kick out of the wine into water... Jesus/Haysoos... and you didn't mention, but, obviously it was Perrier, or it would have been a real waste of wine!

    By the way, I just got our local quarterly thingy and they were advertising the PD is hiring Public Safety Attendants. Requirements, HS or GED, minimum age 20, valid TDL. Pay range: $17.33-23.82 per hour. Crap, if I were 20 years younger and a few inches taller... I'd go for that position in a heartbeat! Searching prisoners might be a little tricky, at my size and age.

  5. Ha! I saw the Texan Day email but missed the dust of boots part.

    Loved the entry about the NASA luxury office area.
    Why did they spend all the time & money to erect scaffolding to reroof one half of the building only to tear it all down before starting on our side?

  6. ROFL!!! LOVE Jack Handy!!

    Do you remember the "Happy Fun Ball" commercial? THat has to be my all time favorite SNL commercial ever.

  7. Hahaha!!! I loved Deep Thoughts!! I haven't thought if that in a long time!!

    Thanks for the funny reminder xoxo

  8. Why don't they do Jack Handy quotes on SNL anymore? Geez, fix that SNL!