149 - It's in the bag...

Farf-egg-noggin. I thought I had a gratis post for this afternoon's blog. Every year I send out an Xth Annual Eagerly Anticipated Virtual Christmas Card and I was going to post it here for you to read... but I forgot to forward it home and it didn't find its way into my Drafts folder, so I can't pull it up off the server at work. Figgy pudding! Misteltoe! Elf*!!! The virtual cards are just me being silly (imagine that), but regardless of whether anyone else enjoys them or not... I do... and that's what this season is really all about... me (lol). Guess you'll have to suffer tomorrow like everyone else.

This year I have not been inspired. My creativi-tree, if you will, is bare. I'm so devoid of Christmas cheer that I can't, for the life of me, come up with a clever litany of comments peripherally related to Christmas. So I decided to peruse years 1-5 to see if I could find a muse for this year's Sixth Eagerly Anticipated Virtual Christmas Card. Didn't happen. But I was so pleased with last year's card that I decided to recycle it... and it even works with the whole green movement... in fact, I'm taking it one step further by recycling a virtual card. Hold me back!

* This afternoon I realized that 'elf' is the holiday version of 'smurf' and can be just as easily integrated into your expletive-laden sentences... Go elf yourself. Elf off. What the elf were you thinking you elfing elf! Quit elfing around! Not quite as eloquent, but more suited to the season.
So... you'll just have to live with what I've thrown together. You'll live with it, and you'll like it. And I don't want to find it under your plate, or wadded up in a napkin...

Was excited to find a package from Kohls on the doorstep when I arrived home this afternoon. I screwed them out of free shipping and an extra 15% (again they attempt to offer me 15% when I know they're offering 30% to other people... sigh...) and was thusly able to forgive them for that Black Friday debauchle. Was on cloud nine -- my Sarah Jessica Parker Lovely fragrance gift set was here... It was here! It was here! Imagine my disappointment when I dabbed a wee bit of the lotion onto my wrist and it smelled like smokey old lady perfume. Harsh... not lovely at all. They should have named it Smack! because that's what it does, it slaps you around and calls you beyotch. It's going back. I'm not liking it at all... I don't know what was in that little paper sample they sent me but it was false advertising, or my nose wasn't working. So now the shoe is on the other foot, and Kohls is laughing, because I have to drive to the store and return it. Bugger.

And finally... was working on a spreadsheet at work this afternoon (it's what I do) and tried to use the TODAY function. The purpose of the TODAY function is to allow me use TOD... sorry, today's date in a mathematical equation. Welp, in the latest version of Excel... the fucked up one with the weird menu... I got a rather amusing message:

In fact, I think this is a message from Chuck Norris: Translation -- don't mess with this function or Chuck Norris will kick your ass.
Food should be getting here soon... I'm starving... I have a fridge full of food, mind you, but it's so overwhelming that I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. It's mostly junk for Christmas Eve snack time anyway. Doorbell! Gotta go!


  1. Yeah the SJP perfume is blechhh. I wear Cartier Delices and Burberry Touch. I also adore Kat Von D's new perfumes, both smell incredible. I am a perfume whore. I have 12 bottles and a box full of samples from Sephora.I was gonna order food too bc everything I have is for X-Mas day food prep and leftovers. I decided on a soda and some goldfish crackers. Have a great night!

  2. You never fail to make me laugh.

    I love excel and their weird, random error messages.