143 - Differences in opinion

Funny how a person changes as they age. There was a time when the phrase, 'they're used to me coming in to work hung over' wouldn't have set off the alarm bells, it might have even been (inexplicably) cool... but now... I hear them ringing, urgently, accompanied by the furious waving of red flags. The realization that my party boy's idea of fun routinely involves drinking to excess is not where I'm at anymore... I enjoy a drink or two, and sometimes I go a little crazy with it, as I did over the weekend, but it's the exception and no longer the rule. So I had that buzzing around in my head today... 'am I being too harsh?... was he just posturing?... yeah, I should find a way to explore this further... give him the benefit of the doubt' And then came tonight's revelation, which I won't go into... but it has basically killed it for me. I'm going to have to find a nice way to get out of this. The bells were right... damn it...

I've grown as a person in the last year. Time was that I would be bothered by this, but overlook it anyway. He has good qualities so I would focus on those, and like an ostrich, bury my head so that I wouldn't see the rest. Wouldn't want to seem stodgey or judgmental. It also stems from me not feeling as if I tried hard enough to salvage my marriage. So with my next relationship I started rationalizing things and taking extraordinary measures to make things work, when I should have dumped the asshole months before he dumped me. It opened my eyes but I still refused to put my knowledge into action in my next relationship. Over the last year I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to settle. And I should always care more about what I think than what the other person thinks. It's hard to break my old habits, but I don't want to waste my time.

Oh well. Quickly changing subjects...

Before you click on this link allow me to explain... First -- very important -- don't listen to it if you are at work, and don't play it around children. The subject matter is inappropriate and toward the end of the song they drop the F-bomb (sweeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuu-bwech... that the sound that an F-bomb makes as it's coming at you). Secondly -- if you don't like techno you will probably want to throw things because it will annoy you. Thirdly -- I ran across it when I was looking for the music to that Armani Black Code commercial with the techno beat. This is not that song, but a couple of people suggested that it either was, or it had inspired the music in the commercial, and I bit. So. That's how I found The Horrorist 'One Night in New York City'. Now, why am I linking to it? Because it's scary, and I've never been able to say that about a music video before. It's like a short film, a cautionary tale about a 15 year old girl who sneaks away to New York City with her friends, goes to a nightclub, meets a guy, and goes back to his dorm room. You can probably imagine how that could go wrong. If not, the DJ is going to tell you.

I'm not sure whether his intentions were good or bad when he composed it (his other songs seem to be about Ecstacy so I err toward bad), so I'm not sure whether to like it, or feel uncomfortable listening to it... but I view it as a warning to naive young girls, so I 'like' it if the message sinks in for anyone. The ambience, and the words, and the detachment that he displays as he tells the story, make it compelling (and in this video, unlike The Girl Next Door, there are no actual children involved).

Welp, off to take a shower and get comfy for the season opener of Paranormal State. All is back to normal... I get freaked out... I go to bed... I eventually fall to sleep... and tomorrow is another day.


  1. I think it's pretty damn cool that you can realize those kinds of things and be ok with it. Now to wait for the kids to go to bed before checking out the link :)

  2. ya know there is a point when the party is just over... I mean the way you party, how late, how drunk... when the haze of cig smoke clears and you've kneeled before the porcelain god you eventually arise with a revelation. I am too old for this shit.If you don't you end up being that sad girl/guy sitting at the bar sloppy drunk, mackin' on people out of your league and sleeping alone.Wakin' up all haggard and draggin your sorry ass into a job you're hanging onto be a thread. Don't be that guy/girl. Ya know? I soooo speak from experience on this.
    And NEVER settle... just have a little faith

  3. I think it depends sometimes i go thorough stages of staying in more and partying every night. Whatever makes you happy.

    Kate xx

  4. I go through phases, too. I was willing to sustain judgment to see if this was a phase or a permanent way of life (but at his age, 42, it's a little different). Last night put the nail in the coffin for me. It went beyond just drinking and having a good time, in last night's story someone got hurt as a result, and he had no remorse. Well, that brings to mind a million horrors... so I'll narrow it down, it was a hit and run, and the running was his idea. That's so morally divergent from my code of ethics that I can't forgive it.

  5. I am having trouble following along... :( But I'm trying dammit I really am

  6. Which part? (that should have been 'suspend judgement' rather than 'sustain' btw)

  7. You are a smart girl. I am learning this. I am also learning that you will always be ok if you keep listening to those bells :)