183 - Four on the floor (a gross out story)

That would be two hands and two knees... with my head hovering over the toilet... puking my guts out... and then hastily winding that up so I can puke out the other end...

There is something really nasty going around.

Basically around 3:30 am I woke up and didn't feel right. I went back to sleep but kept waking up. 5:30 is when I called my boss to tell him I didn't think I was coming to work. After that is when the fun really began. Up and down every 10-15 minutes (if that long). I'm not sure how I haven't shriveled up from dehydration, because if my body is 70% water, there was probably only 15% left. But as much as I dislike puking through my ass, if I can, I much prefer to keep it coming from the south, because I hate to vomit. When I puke, it goes on and on. When there's nothing left I just dry heave, and wipe away the tears that are an inevitable part of the process... not from crying, but from the contraction of my stomach and not being able to catch my breath. I was in double jeopardy -- I couldn't take Immodium because I'd just puke it up... I used to have to take a suppository to stop the vomiting (because as a kid I literally couldn't stop), but I didn't have any, and... well, you can see how that would have been a miserable failure... I wanted to die. Again.

At one point I think my throat started bleeding. Then I felt great for a little while until it came back. (Thank God I had the foresight to put the trash out last night or I would have missed the garbagemen... and since I missed them Friday it would have started to get a little rank in my garage)

So normally when I miss a day of work I get a phone call from mom, asking if I need her to bring me anything, if I want to come over and stay with her, etc. I usually turn it down, because I'm not sick enough to warrant it and just want to be alone... or every once in a while it's just a mental day rather than a physical illness... and I just want to be alone. Today I thought, I'm really sick... I'm hungry... and I don't have cream of wheat or jello or soda crackers or anything I've been told to eat when I'm queasy... I'll call mom. Imagine my surprise when mommy was sick, too... same symptoms. So I took a deep breath, made the sign of the cross (even though I'm not Catholic), and waddled toward the kitchen, ever cognizant of the fact that I may have to make a run back toward the toilet.

I remembered that I had grapes, and they called to me. I also had Sprite leftover from a party. It was perfect. Nice and cool and comforting. Tastes alright when it comes back up.

Normally when I'm queasy, sleeping on my tummy is the last thing I want to do, but somehow, this time it was just the trick. I fell asleep for four hours, and when I woke up, I felt better. I'm not pushing it, but I've been able to get out of bed, and eat a couple of crackers. Dad is on his way over with jello and apple sauce... apparently he was also feeling queasy this morning, but he took an Alka Seltzer and it helped him. I don't know what it is that we all contracted, but I've decided I'm calling it either 'the nasty' or 'The Jillian' (because it hits you fast and hard and when it's over, you feel pretty good, all things considered...).

And here's something funny... I have 'the nasty' right? And the Apocalypse has been on my mind lately? I wake up to the emergency broadcast system blaring out of my television screen. Takes me a couple of seconds to realize it was just a test... not an actual pandemic emergency. Until the realization hit me, I was thinking, "I'm about to be taken out by a stomach flu. Shit...that's just great.. I was supposed to be one of the fucking survivors..."

Suffice it to say, I will be skipping tonight's workout. Though I'm tempted to try it, I don't think it's a good idea... I don't want to go through another bout of 'the nasty'. I figure I have lost a couple of pounds anyway, so it all equals itself out... and it's given me a new appreciation for Jillian... losing weight through exercise is sooooooooooooooo much nicer than puking your guts out...


  1. No, skip it, rehydrate and feel better!
    Do you like Gatorade? They make a brand for kids which isn't too bad. I too suffer from the pukeys. I was a puker from day one of my life. I have a standing refill on Zofran. I highly reccomend it.
    Try a little broth, stay away from dairy and maybe a night of TV in bed will help.

  2. I was going to say :"what's wrong? Even Lisa Marie's sick..." but you've already written ;)

    It really sounds nasty. I hope it's like gastro and it passes in 24 hours max...I'm forwarding my antibodies your way through my computer screen! (have you tried "gravol" for the pucking?)

    Like Lisa said, gatorade is really good. You can also have : 1/2 of orange juice mixed with 1/2 of water, with a pinch of salt...to keep you hydrated with all the necessary electrolytes.

    Hope it'll pass soon..!

  3. Well that's just ewwwww... Sounds like you are tough as nails if you are even considering that workout...

    BTW...you should consider yourself like Stu Redman...You survived the killer flu that took out 99% of the world. Unfortunately you didn't have a tom cullen to feed you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches..(i'm guessing you knew that was from the stand )

    Good luck with tomorrow's workout if you are feeling up to it :)

  4. We are all glad that you had the 'intestinal fortitude' to survive this. My recommendation...take another day off work, and resume your workouts when you feel better.
    And, since I always right...

  5. PS...when I posted the above comment, the security word it wanted me to type was..
    mulFUNGI. I'm just sayin'

  6. Wow. I am really hoping by the time you read this you are feeling (somewhat) better.

  7. God, there's nothing worse than the frigging stomach flu. Hope you're feeling better soon.

    At least you were able to write one hell of an entertaining blog! ;)

  8. You poor, poor girl! I can't imagine how horrible you must have felt.

    I hope you are better now :(