252 - Eeny Meeny Miney Mo

I was watching 16 and pregnant this afternoon and this girl's logic cracked me up... I paraphrase:

We've decided to breast feed, because it's the cheapest option.

Okay... let's examine that for a moment. You're not breastfeeding because it's a bonding experience. You're not breastfeeding because it passes immunity from mother to child. No -- you are breastfeeding because it's free.

Wow. She's more frugal than I am. (and her priorities are slightly off)

In the end, I think she lasted a week before they started buying formula, lol. Backfire! Baby knows... I felt really bad for this one. She started out with the dream of playing for a local philharmonic. Then she downgraded that to something more realistic, ultrasound technician. Then she downgraded that to something I think is probably a scam, medical billing. It's like she gave up. She made me sad.

But she introduced me to the pregnancy belly ring. This makes me feel better, because now I know that if I ever get preggers, I don't have to give mine up... I'm half-joking... I've already had it done twice, I don't want to go through it a third time... unlike the rest of my friends and any strangers I've discussed it with -- my navel has nerve endings. It's hurts like fuck. Did you realize the needle has to go through two pieces of skin? I didn't. I mean, it's so obvious now... but at the time, totally had a brainfart and didn't see it coming. I just about fainted... my friend Debra was a peach and went to the store to get me a Dr. Pepper to get my bloodsugar back up.

I'm sorry, this looks slightly obscene:

Speaking of obscene... I should sooooo file a harassment claim (kidding)... As I was leaving work last Friday, I stopped in to say goodbye to a co-worker. He said, "That's it? Just... 'goodbye'?" I asked, "What more do you want? A big wet sloppy kiss?" He shrugged. I walked away. He's harmless.

Monday I was feeling spunky. We have a candy basket in the common area, so I picked it up and all proud of myself walked over to him, threw a Hershey's Kiss on his desk and said, "Well... it's not wet or sloppy, but here's your kiss." I got the laugh, I was pleased. Then I sauntered over to another co-worker and gave him a Blow Pop. You probably see where this is going. I promise you -- I didn't. For the first time ever, my thought process was entirely innuendo free. I gave him the Blow Pop because the week before he grabbed one and said, "I love these!" Instead, my kind gesture got the following response: "You got a kiss, but she just gave me a blow!"

Oh. My. And from this guy it was even more unexpected... so I almost choked. I had to give him a high five. He got me. The first guy said, "Could you have opened that door any wider? I mean, you had to see that one coming..." Nope. Not at all. My head hung in shame, my face red, I slunk away. Giggling.