252 - Eeny Meeny Miney Mo

I was watching 16 and pregnant this afternoon and this girl's logic cracked me up... I paraphrase:

We've decided to breast feed, because it's the cheapest option.

Okay... let's examine that for a moment. You're not breastfeeding because it's a bonding experience. You're not breastfeeding because it passes immunity from mother to child. No -- you are breastfeeding because it's free.

Wow. She's more frugal than I am. (and her priorities are slightly off)

In the end, I think she lasted a week before they started buying formula, lol. Backfire! Baby knows... I felt really bad for this one. She started out with the dream of playing for a local philharmonic. Then she downgraded that to something more realistic, ultrasound technician. Then she downgraded that to something I think is probably a scam, medical billing. It's like she gave up. She made me sad.

But she introduced me to the pregnancy belly ring. This makes me feel better, because now I know that if I ever get preggers, I don't have to give mine up... I'm half-joking... I've already had it done twice, I don't want to go through it a third time... unlike the rest of my friends and any strangers I've discussed it with -- my navel has nerve endings. It's hurts like fuck. Did you realize the needle has to go through two pieces of skin? I didn't. I mean, it's so obvious now... but at the time, totally had a brainfart and didn't see it coming. I just about fainted... my friend Debra was a peach and went to the store to get me a Dr. Pepper to get my bloodsugar back up.

I'm sorry, this looks slightly obscene:

Speaking of obscene... I should sooooo file a harassment claim (kidding)... As I was leaving work last Friday, I stopped in to say goodbye to a co-worker. He said, "That's it? Just... 'goodbye'?" I asked, "What more do you want? A big wet sloppy kiss?" He shrugged. I walked away. He's harmless.

Monday I was feeling spunky. We have a candy basket in the common area, so I picked it up and all proud of myself walked over to him, threw a Hershey's Kiss on his desk and said, "Well... it's not wet or sloppy, but here's your kiss." I got the laugh, I was pleased. Then I sauntered over to another co-worker and gave him a Blow Pop. You probably see where this is going. I promise you -- I didn't. For the first time ever, my thought process was entirely innuendo free. I gave him the Blow Pop because the week before he grabbed one and said, "I love these!" Instead, my kind gesture got the following response: "You got a kiss, but she just gave me a blow!"

Oh. My. And from this guy it was even more unexpected... so I almost choked. I had to give him a high five. He got me. The first guy said, "Could you have opened that door any wider? I mean, you had to see that one coming..." Nope. Not at all. My head hung in shame, my face red, I slunk away. Giggling.


  1. Personally, I like Gummie Bears -- and I can't think of one double entendre. Damn it. ;)

  2. LMAO!! i totally love listening to your stories! And honestly i wouldnt have thought anything of it but that is HILARIOUS!!! I am a totally innuendo kind of person... lol So lovely story! & i totally love 16 & pregnant... definitly great for a GOOD laugh!

  3. HAHAHA that is hysterical! You should have thought that one through a little more. lol

    I never thought of breast feeding as an economical choice. I suppose it is like two eating for the price of one.

  4. Terry - Hmmm... gummy bears... gummy bears... nuthin'

    Kimberly - If I had a nickel for every time I turned something innocent into an innuendo... God I'd be filthy rich (so to speak).

    TS - I really should have. LOL, I guess it is like 2 for 1!

  5. I am just not a piecing-liking kind of guy...old school, ears only...and preferably one one or two.
    Belly rings...tongue piercing...through the cheek or nose...ack! For me, huge turn off.
    But, that's just me.

  6. Joe - Hmph, you are fickle. You said such nice things about me on your blog today (hey everyone, Joe said nice things about me on his blog!) and now this... Ah well.

  7. Just the thought of a belly piercing, when I was pregnant, would have sent me into spasms. I stretched out so bad, that sucker wouldn't have had anything left to hold it in place. And just for the record, I've never seen one like the one above... and I've seen plenty.

  8. P.S. I. Can't. Take. My. Eyes. Off. That. Picture.

  9. Yes Kristy it appears you left the door open for that one but as you admitted it was a good one Ha Ha

    You have to love the ones you don't see coming :^)

  10. is it wrong to say i thought about b-feeding if we ever have kid because i heard it burns like 1400 cals. just kidding. that show alone will make anyone yell at their tv screen. evil show!

    Visit me at FourthGradeNothing.com

  11. I agree that picture is obscene, that girl who wants to breast feed to save money is an idiot, and it's great to give kisses. I'll stop there. :)
    I always love your sense of humor.

  12. That is funny. I am sure any guy would rather have a blow then a kiss. LOL

  13. the 'blow' made me chuckle. How could you not see that coming?...lol

    I watch a little of 16 & pregnant, it's pretty good.

  14. That is too funny and yes, I did see that coming since I worked with all guys my whole life. Everything means something!!

  15. Oh man Kristy, that was a really funny story!! Had I been the girl in the picture, I still think that I would've taken the navel ring out..it must hurt!! Oh, and you cracked me up with the teenager who wanted to breast feed because it was cheaper than formula..that is one messed-up priority!:P

  16. But Kristy, I don't know what piercings you have...how can I be fickle? As long as you don't have one going through your nose like a bull, then we are cool.

  17. LOL! Is this what goes on at NASA?