093 - A company that cares

I didn't realize it was bosses day today. I was clueless until I got to my desk and there was a nice card waiting for me that said BOSS on the envelope. And shortly after that I checked my voicemail and proceeded to listen to a message that would have been mysterious had I not already received a card alerting me to the significance of the day: 'Hey... when you get a moment... could you stop by Merrina's desk?' So I did. Knowing full well that I could be walking into an ambush.

But I got a giant card instead.

And it was awesome.

And it said I was THE BEST BOSS EVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

And I played it in the hallway. And I played it up the stairs. And I played it in my office. And I played it again in my office. And I called my parents and played it for them. And I played it again in my office. And when I got home, I played it for the cats (one of whom proceeded to take a nap on top of it once I set it on the couch).

Now I'm going to play it for you! *smile*

Okay... it was only a figure of speech... I can't play if for you, so stop being lazy and press the button.

Please.

Later in the day I was sitting at my desk when my friend Jeff dropped by to show me something truly astonishing... his company provided him with a Personal Biosecurity Kit. First of all, it introduced me to a new word: Biosecurity. Gonna try to work 'biosecurity' into conversation as often as I can so that I sound 'in-the-know' and 'with it'. Secondly, it made me realize just how paranoid we, as a nation, have become, and how eager some greedy corporations are to take advantage of this paranoia. This is from a brochure I found online:

Helping your employees. Shaking hands with a client. Opening a door. Standing in a crowded elevator. These seemingly ordinary occurrences can spread a virus that may cause disease among your workers. While you shouldn’t panic at this prospect, you also shouldn’t ignore it. This convenient kit can help limit the transmission of infectious viruses among employees.

Each kit comes with 1 Digital Thermometer. This allows your employees to monitor their body temperature (usually the first indicator of infection) before coming to work.

We also provide personal protective equipment, disinfectants and antiseptics to help reduce germs in the office:

-- (30) 3-ply surgical masks – Wearing these masks can help minimize the spread of viruses among your staff and help reduce the transfer of these viruses from someone with symptoms. The DuPont™ Personal Biosecurity Kit contains enough masks to last up to two weeks.

-- 2 oz. DuPont™ RelyOn™ Antiseptic Hand Spray – Hand contact is a very easy way to transmit pathogens. Providing this antiseptic spray to your employees allows them a convenient means to sanitize their hands when soap and water are not available. This will help reduce the spread of germs when the antiseptic is used after coming in contact with communal surfaces like doorknobs, faucets, etc.

-- 0.18 oz. sachets of DuPont™ RelyOn™ Multi-Purpose Disinfectant Cleaner† (DuPont™ RelyOn™ MDC) and Spray Bottle – This hard nonporous surface disinfectant was chosen for its proven effectiveness against the influenza A virus, its long shelf life, as well as portability and compatibility with surfaces. Infectious diseases result from the rapid spread of viruses. For this reason it is critical to choose the right virucide and disinfectant. Remember, just touching a contaminated hard surface can spread some viruses. Keeping frequently touched areas as sanitary as possible is vital. DuPont™ RelyOn™ MDC can be used on items such as: computer keyboards, doorknobs, tables and desks, light switches

As with all disinfectants, always read and follow the label instructions.

-- (2) Pair Nitrile Gloves – For handling DuPont™ RelyOn™ MDC powder

What I take away from this is:

1 -- My company doesn't care about me the way Jeff's does (lol)

2 -- We're not telling you to panic... but... OHMYGODWEAREALLGONNADIE!

3 -- Someone is ungood at math, because 30 masks is way more than two weeks worth. Last time I checked, two weeks equals fourteen days. (I realize that 'ungood' is not a word, it was meant to be funny)

4 -- We're about to create a generation of people who suffer from severe OCD -- people who sanitize their hands even after they just washed them, because after they washed them, they touched a faucet, or a doorknob. Doorknobs are particularly dangerous by the way -- they were cited not once, but TWICE. Eek! DANGER!

5 -- A spike in your daily temperature may also be an indication that you're ovulating. And if you're a guy, that might freak you out a little. But take heart, if you end up preggers, you could be on Maury. Especially if you don't know who the father is...

6 -- If you have to wear nitrile gloves to handle RelyOn, I'm not sure I want to handle it. Or spray it on anything in my general vicinity.

7 -- Michael Jackson started out wearing a glove... then he started wearing masks... you get where I'm going with this?

And I'm pretty sure they got the kits on clearance, seeing as how the sticker said they were produced in 2007. I wonder, does virucide have a shelf life? If they really valued his life they would have given him a roll of duct tape -- because not only can you seal your windows and doors with it the next time Homeland Security raises the threat level, but you can also fix a myriad of home ailments. ;)

I am giving you advanced warning -- tomorrow I will probably be writing about the places I am visiting on my upcoming trip. Some people may have adverse reactions to this, for instance, Jeff, having been there himself, may feel extreme jealousy. That's okay... it's normal. A few of you may feel an immediate compulsion to ask for the contact information of my chauffeur so you can book your own trip to Scotland -- forthwith. Do not panic... click the pretty purple word and you will be magically transported to his website. On the other hand, if it sounds boring to you... doesn't matter... I'm posting it anyway. So there. And pthbbb (that's the written version of a raspberry if you were wondering).