238 - The troll cave

Today one of my co-workers came to my office and told me, 'they're giving away tomato plants downstairs.' My ears perk up. I like tomatoes -- nay -- I love tomatoes. I must have them! Who cares if I already have 5 tomato plants -- give me more -- I can handle it.

So I hopped up and scurried dashed downstairs, looking for the room number I was given. As I walked, I grew ever closer to the office I want to avoid more than any place on earth... the office where my ex, the troll (you may remember my 'fuck you' letter from last year) resides. Sighing a breath of relief, I note that the office next door is the one I'm seeking.

What's this?

There are no tomato plants here. They must all be gone. Damn.

But there's a person. And he asks if he can help me find something. I say tomato plants (this is starting to sound vaguely reminescent of my experience at the nursery isn't it?). He points next door. Damn. "Never mind," I tell him. He say, "No, no, come on, they're just over here," as he leads me over to the troll cave. "There are tomato plants and pepper plants, take what you want. However many you want."

The joy of the moment is gone.

I grab two tomato plants and a pepper plant and practically sprint out the door, all the while thinking, 'please don't let the troll turn around, please don't let the troll turn around...' It's like a fight or flight response where adrenaline starts pumping and my heart beats faster. Instead of pounding his face in, I just want to run away from him. It almost feels like fear, and I hate it, I am not a coward -- I killed a frickin' snake dammit! Killed it dead! Chopped it into pieces! And found out it might have been a copperhead! (slight twinge of guilt is now gone)

When I got back to my desk I noticed that I had grabbed a cherry tomato and a Roma tomato and a cayenne pepper plant. In my rush, I hadn't noticed there were different varieties. Damn.

So... I told Greg about them, and my predicament. He wanted to get some plants for his son, so I asked if he would look through them to see if there was something I missed. Greg is so nice... he faced the troll to bring me a banana pepper plant. Thank you Greg!  =)

Started reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy last night. Didn't know if I would like it. Realized he also wrote All the Pretty Horses, which I tried to slog through but couldn't, so my expectation were low. And he writes in a different style than I'm used to. Sentence fragments. Lots of sentence fragments. No apostrophes when theres a contract. No quote marks around a quote. No identifiers to tell you who spoke. And yet... At page 89 I made myself get out of the tub. It's good. Bleak. Scary. Good. Mostly mood, very little dialogue. I may finish this one in 3 days.


  1. Lol... how lovely! I loved reading this!! And thanks to greg you didnt have to face the troll! I love books that you can't just put down!!

  2. Had to go back and read the letter. Whew! That had to be a load off. But, hey... tomatoes! (any extras can be thrown, ya know)

  3. I am a grammar junkie. I love complete sentences and correctly used words. However, when I blog everything goes out the window and I actually begin sentences with "And" It kills me every time, but it works with the tone of the blog!

    One thing that drives me NUTS if you watch Saturday Night Live they always say "An SNL Digital Short" and I go NUTS!

  4. Kimberly - Yep, Greg is a good guy, practically a knight in shining armor!

    Ms. A - I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK! But why waste a tomato...

    GNDGU - I have a feel for grammar, but I got lost somewhere along the way... now I'm an eliptical junkie... elipses everywhere... here... there... yonder... lol

  5. Oh man. I would have taken that cayenne pepper plant. I love me some cayenne peppers!

    Glad you avoided the Troll, however. Unfortunately, my ex and I have two kids and despite the fact that they are out of high school now, I still sometimes HAVE to have some contact with her. Luckily, we can be civil with one another these days. Wasn't always that way, of course ...

  6. "Any day with free tomato and pepper plants is a good day."

    I think Confucious said that. Yeah, seems right.

  7. maybe you could grow those tomatoes and bring just one slightly rotted one back to work and stuff it down the troll's throat?

    BTW..I loved that letter... :)

  8. Terry - I've only ever had them powdered so I don't even know what to do with them (but I will research it). I will probably give most of them to my dad because he loves him some peppers.

    TS - Now that you mention it, I think he did

    Bendigo - Okay, you and Ms. A have convinced me... maybe I could spare just one...

  9. Why not pepper his car with rotten tomatoes? =)

  10. Thanks for linking up that letter again. I might need to read that every week, makes me smile. Yeah I know I'm fucked up but I enjoyed it.

  11. I had no idea that the Troll worked at your workplace when I read that letter. I hope you don't have many occassions that you have to go down there.

  12. Thank god you didn't have to face him!! And you still got your plants ;) Like Joe, I didn't know that you two were working at the same place?!

  13. Jerry - He usually rides a motorcycle to work and we have security cameras everywhere...

    Ian - It is rather potent, isn't it?

    Joe / Sarah - Yeah, he does. It sucks. We don't have to interact with each other but it sucks to see him in the hallway. I keep hoping he'll move along but he keeps disappointing me.

  14. I love the visualization of the troll cave.... All I could imagine was you going into this dark, slimy cave with this ugly hairy troll sitting in a leather office chair....

  15. ABAO - You talk as if you've seen him! lol