3.10.2010

226B - This gives me ideas...

My version of Wordless Wednesdays... me not blogging, but instead, sharing a joke with you! I'll warn you now, don't drink anything when you read this that you don't want coming out of your nose... (why does this make me think of you, Joe?)

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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred TO get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.


Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

14 comments:

  1. That is frickin' hysterical. I laughed all the way down the list.

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  2. I know... makes me wanna go shopping!

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  3. Now, I will take the comment about me as a compliment...(I hope).
    The thing about putting condoms in someone else's cart is great, when I was 20 and went shopping with my room mate, we used to try to sneak feminine products into each other's carts and hope they didn't catch it till we got to the checkout lane!
    These are great, and I am JUST the type to try some of these!

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  4. It was definitely meant as a compliment. =)

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  5. I laughed a lot through this...hilarious.

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  6. I love the final act!
    Thanks for the laughs.
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  7. I made sure that there were no drinks present while reading this (thankfully)...

    Now that makes for some fun shopping...lol

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  8. OMG! I am rolling on the floor laughing out loud after reading that! I mean it I am literally doing it. That was hilarious!

    My Thoughts

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  9. Ha Ha Ha! That's great! However, I don't think he's doing anything that Target employees don't do already....

    I Think It's Interesting

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  10. That had me laughing out loud! x

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  11. I can't believe you wrote about my dad!!!!!!!!!!

    That was effing hilarious!!!!!

    Seriously though my dad did put a tin of caviar in someone's cart once to be funny...

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  12. Hahahaha, ah this was hilarious!!Thank you so much for the good laugh!!:D

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  13. Heeheeehee! I can only hope that one day, my future husband is half hte joker that this guy is.

    Thanks for the funnies!

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