237 - Beyotch

I was shopping at the grocer's yesterday and as I began to turn onto an aisle, I encountered an old lady. She was coming toward me on the left side of the aisle. Now... I believe that walking is like driving... you go forward on the righthand side so traffic keeps moving. In the grocery store, if you are looking at something on the left hand side, I get that, but she wasn't, she was just walking. I kind of waited for her to move over (she had plenty of room to do so as she wasn't at the end of the aisle yet)... but she didn't. She said, "Excuse me!" in a self-important 'I'm a cranky old lady so I can do whatever the hell I want to' voice, expecting me to move out of her way. In my head I said all kinds of nasty things to the bitch, but in reality I felt it wasn't worth a confrontation, so I moved over and mumbled under my breath, "Can't, cuz you're fucking rude." BTW, I'm passive-aggressive... Stupid old biddy either didn't hear or didn't care. I opt for the latter.

The rest of the day was spent clipping coupons and matching them to this week's deals. Didn't accomplish much beyond that.

Later that night I was moving stuff around in the garage, finally getting started on that NY resolution of mine to get it organized this year. I picked up an empty box and moved it toward the door so it will be easier to put on the curb on trashday. I heard something rustling around in the newspaper on the bottom of the box. 'Roach!' I thought, begging the thing not to crawl out until after I put the box down. Then I thought, it could also be a mouse... but I didn't feel it scrabbling around trying to get out, so I didn't panic. Actually mice don't panic me (rats like the ones Darla heard above her head would have!), mice are cute in their way... don't want them in my house, but if I can, I will evict them peaceful-like and let them live. Having one crawl on me... that would be another matter, I'd probably freak out... yeah... I'd definitely freak out.

I walked away to grab something else. I turn around to add it to the box and notice my cats are intensely interested in something. That never bodes well, but I'm still thinking roach.

It was a snake...

The snake's death came about through a series of three progressive thoughts:

1) 'Snake!' At this point I might have assessed the situation and realized it was probably just a garden snake (small, greyish), but I didn't have time because by this point, Gracie was batting at it, and Daphne was eager to get in on the action.

2) 'Snake! Potentially poisonous! Copperhead? Might bite Gracie! Shit!' meant the snake was in trouble. Then Gracie picks it up in her mouth and starts walking.

3) 'Snake! Potentially pisonous! Copperhead? Might bite Gracie! Shit! Cat door!' sealed its fate and signed its death warrant. If she brought that thing into the house and didn't kill it, who knows where it would end up. That sent me running to the cat door to block her, where my eye happened upon the shovel. I grabbed it and began to stalk Gracie, waiting for the inevitable moment that she would drop the snake, hopefully not underneath the car. When that moment came I chopped that poor sucker in half... well, not completely in half, the shovel kept the snake pinned so it probably didn't go all the way through, and it was trying to bite the head of the shovel (hell, I would too). So I made sure the next blow would sever its head. That poor thing ended up in about five pieces because it was in an s-shape when I chopped... there's blood on my garage floor... I feel bad... I think it was just a garden snake... if I hadn't thought my cat might get bitten it probably could have lived.

So this proves one thing to me... under the right circumstances, I can kill a living creature (roaches don't count, they're always meant to die). If something is a threat to my life, or the life of my loved ones, I can do what needs to be done. And I feel okay about it. I only feel a smidge of guilt over the brutality of the death... it wasn't a good way to die... but it was clumsiness, not my intentions, that made it so... I was aiming for the head.

*shaking it off*

I'm DVR'ing Breakin'. Anyone remember the first break dancing craze? Breakin', and Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo? I'm going to be all nostalgic and relive the fifth grade later tonight. I expect it will be nothing like I remember. I do remember that one of the guys was wearing pants so tight that you could see what he was packing, and I mentioned that fact to my mom, which made her do that mom gaspy thing she does. Guess I would too if my fifth grader said, 'Mom, you can see what he's got in his pants!'

Didn't want to exercise last night... but I have given myself Friday nights off because I think it's actually beneficial to my muscles to have a day of downtimes, so I didn't want to miss two days in a row. It was almost 10 pm before it even occurred to me to exercise, not optimal, and if it was a weekday I would have written it off. But it was a Saturday, so I did it... Pushing through the excuses... I haven't measured myself this weekend, but my weight is down to 170 lbs, so 2-3 lbs from the last time? Slowly making progress toward the poundage decreasing. Sllllllooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllly.


  1. I LOVE Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Bugaloo!!!!
    Kelly was soo cool and the dance Turbo does with the broom is wicked. Love it, love it, some great cameos in those flicks as well.
    Keep up the good work with the weight loss girl! I have not bothered to get on the scale since I started surfing the crimson this week. (tmi?)

  2. I swear that was NOT me at the store! I didn't leave the house at all yesterday.

  3. I once killed a snake by accident. I was chopping wood and in between strokes this little sucker climbed on top of the stump behind the log I was splitting. Needless to say I was shocked to find two halves of a snake.

  4. I could just picture you whacking away at the poor snake. You must have a great life, because if you are keeping US entertained by your adventures, how much better must it be to actually be EXPERIENCING them?
    You are right, your muscles need down time to recover. It is a great excuse to take a day off.

  5. We have got to go shopping together sometime. We'd have a blast.

  6. I love whispering crap which my husband claims isn't actually a WHISPER. Ha ha.

    Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

  7. LM - LOL, never heard it put that way before! Hope you feel better soon.

    Ms. A - You're not a cranky old biddy, you're awesome!

    TS - That would be a surprise, and not a good one...

    Joe - Tres exciting... not. Tonight I cleaned the bathroom.

    Ian - Deal. Especially if we can do those things that got that guy banned from Target.

    Ally - LOL, truth? Mine wasn't really a whisper either

  8. I wish you lived near me Kristy! I'm always trying to get people together to have movie nights to watch movies that bring me back to my youth! I can barely get my wife to watch movies with me!!!!

    By the way, I love the Breakin' movies!!!!

  9. ABAO - Dude! I love movie nights! I can't ever seem to get people together to watch anything either... sigh...