074 - Lies our marketers told us, a rant

Tried to order a pay-per-view movie this afternoon, because this month there is a rent one movie, get one free promotion. But oh - smack! It ends tomorrow... I already ordered one, better take advatage of that second movie since it's free. Yea!

So I think I'll order Coraline... nope, can't order Coraline until Monday and I can't dowload it to my DVR until Monday either. Hmmm... what else... can't order Ghosts of Girlfriends Past because that's something mom and dad might want to watch on Sunday. Obsessed? I'd watch it for free... nope, can't order that until tomorrow and I'd kinda like something to watch tonight (and the promotion ends tomorrow). Smurf. Confessions of a Shopaholic... not that excited about it but... well shit, that's not playing tonight either. What the hell is playing tonight? The Unborn? Nope. 17 Again? Nope. The Uninvited? Nope. I Love You Man? BINGO! I found one!

I order it. I am pleased. It says I can watch it anytime between 5 am this morning and 5 am tomorrow morning. I feel a little gypped because that's not exactly an 'all day ticket' since it's after noon, but I plan to watch it about 8'ish, so all is well. I go to the channel. It's not playing until 1 am. What the hell?...

Thus begins my odessey with customer service. I hate automated attendants. I am annoyed that I have to listen to their commercial urging me to order fights I have no interest in. I become irritated when I say 'customer service' and then they want to know why I'm calling because I've played this game, unsuccessfully, before... if I say 'pay-per-view' it's going to think I want to order a movie and it's going to either send me to the automated ordering system or to an agent to order a movie... I already ordered the damn movie. I want to know why I can't watch it until one in the morning.

I'm on hold for five minutes before it hangs up on me. I call back. Pissed. Once again I have to endure the commercial. I say 'customer service,' I ignore the voice that asks me what my beef is. The voice is insistent. Then the voice thinks I can't speak so it still demands to know why but now I have to use my keypad. I give up and press the number that corresponds with pay-per-view. It asks if I'd like to order my movie through the automated system for the 'reduced fee' of $1.50 (how generous) or speak with an agent for $5.00. I say (or perhaps I scream), 'give me a fucking agent' and it seems to understand that response. I hold for another ten minutes.

By the time I speak to the poor guy I'm livid... but polite... then he can't help me so he transfers me to another department. I take the opportunity to ask questions. Apparently this 'all day ticket' thing is a little misleading. You watch the movie whenever it's on, it just rotates between channels. It doesn't wait for you, if it starts at 8 and you don't tune in until 8:30, you've missed 30 minutes of the movie and would have to find it on another channel to see what you missed. So I ask about the 'download to receiver' option. Does it download when you order it or does it download when the movie starts playing on PPV? She said it's just like pressing the record button on my remote. That wasn't my question. My question was, if I choose that instead or the 'order now' option, does it download right this second... for me to watch NOW, or does it wait until the next PPV rotation and then it starts to record. Same answer. I gave up. It was crucial if I am to keep what little is left of my sanity.

I guess what this tells me is that only under extreme circumstances will I ever order another PPV movie. It's a pain in the ass and it's not worth it. It's less stressful for me to get in my car and fight traffic than to sit in the comfort of my own home and order it off the internet. Actually - I can rent it from iTunes for a dollar less, I just have to watch it on my computer (or figure out how to hook my computer to my tv, which I know is possible... I've just never taken the time to look into it before).

Moving on.

I went shopping today... I got a newspaper so I can clip coupons, got gas, and then I went to Target where I bought two pairs of jeans in a smaller size (and they FIT), a couple of cute tops and some pajama bottoms to lounge around the house in when the weather starts getting colder, which is any day now... just any day... And I bought groceries. I feel accomplished except that I never made it to Home Depot to get blinds, soffit vent covers and a toilet thingamajig. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Last night on the Tyra Banks show they profiled people who did plastic surgery on themselves... That is some sad, sad stuff. But some good came out of it. I learned that if you eat nuts and berries (minds out of the gutter, pervs) four times a day, it's supposed to reduce belly fat. Her guest explained the science behind it... I've forgotten that. All I retained was that I have permission to eat almonds and blueberries.

And you can use used dryer sheets to rub antiperspirant off your clothes. That's pretty valuable info, too.

In other good news, my website seems to be picking up steam. I'm getting more referrals from other sites, and my average views have been increasing. Yea! That makes me happy... now if I can just get some Followers... LET ME AMUSE YOU!!!! Please?

Okay... well... I have to go watch the clock to make sure I don't miss my movie... hope everyone is having a great weekend. ;)


  1. Hi Kristy

    This is a bit off topic, but I wanted to say good luck with your vampire novel.

    Please keep me posted on your progress!

  2. Thanks Patricia, I'm new to blogspot, but I really like your blog.

  3. Hey Kristy!
    I finally got around to checking out your blog..and your website! This has absolutely nothing to do with your post, but I read your writing sample on your website and for what it's worth, I would read this book.
    Your writing is very clever and although the end of the sample is darker, I actually laughed at the beginning (like when you talked about the ring and chocking!)
    Hope it'll work for you, really, you have a lot of potential.

  4. Thank you =) I tried to interject some humor to balance the story out, it's good to know that it came off the way I wanted it to!

  5. Have you ever used the Get A Human website? For when you need to find a way around corporate automated message systems. I love it.


  6. Oh-ho-ho... this is going on the Random Stuff page of my website... THANK YOU MARY!