286 - The Amazing Kreskin

That's me.

Today I saw the orthodontist and got a new tray (henceforth referred to as "tray 2"). You know there's a story...

Someone should tell him that I don't have a sense of humor when it comes to my wisdom teeth. I asked if I should be concerned that neither of the top trays covered my wisdom teeth. He waves me off and says, "Not at all, we're not concerned about those... if they become a problem we'll just pull them!" And he chuckles.

I said, "The hell you will!" A) He doesn't pull teeth, he's an orthodontist. B) NO ONE pulls my wisdom teeth.



Spurred on my outburst, he continues his maniacal laughter. He, mistakenly, thought I was joking.

I left the office, having an internal debate as to whether he was serious or just pulling my leg. Does this guy even have a sense of humor? I don't know... But it stuck in my craw... I began to doubt that he was kidding. He'd better be kidding... because I specifically told him my wisdom teeth weren't coming out before we ever took impressions. So they'd better be part of the treatment plan, or the plan is going to be revised.

So my teeth are a little sore at the moment. The one that hurt most the last time is the one that hurts again this time... taking my tray out feels like I'm going to rip it out by the root. So I'm really enjoying that... And they're concentrating on my molars this time... feels like I have a spring loaded bar pushing against them. Guess they're moving them to make more room for my front teeth to spread out. Satan... The Sadist... The ortho said it may take more than 3 weeks for this tray to do its job because it's a lot more ambitious than the first one was. That's fine.

It's how they get you. The first time doesn't feel too bad... and you get suckered in. Maybe next time will feel better. And then you start to crave the pain...

So anyhoo, my birthday is in 18 days. The more the tray loosens up, the better my mouth feels... the better my mouth feels... the more I can enjoy my birthday (which, again, is in 18 days... in case you missed it...).

Enough of that. My teeth hurt and I get cranky when I think about my wisdom teeth.

So here's a nice factoid: Did you know that I have the ability to control the minds of those around me?

I do. *smugness*

This afternoon I decided that since my teeth hurt, I needed something fairly easy to masticate. Yes -- I planned to go home and masticate. I masticate at work, hell -- I start the day with a little mastication. Anyhoo. I decided on ice cream. Sure I could have gone for soup... or even mashed potatoes... but ice cream has calcium and calcium is good for teeth. Don't worry -- I stopped by the salad bar beforehand.

That said, I didn't get just any ice cream. No sir. I got Marble Slab ice cream. An ice cream so delectable that, upon sampling it's creamy goodness, my friend Brian, who lives far, far away, asked if I could mail it to him at some point. They were here a week and we went twice. If we'd gone earlier in the week we probably would have gone every day.  Rum with chocolate chips mixed in, in a chocolate waffle bowl -- that's all I'm sayin'.

So I'm waiting in line and I look at the guy in front of me. "Sweet Cream," I think to myself. "This guy looks like he's totally into Sweet Cream."

So, of course he ordered Chocolate Swiss.

Hmph. What does he know? He's wrong! My mind is screaming out, "Nooooo! Sweet Cream, ya moron!"

The guy behind the counter asks if he wants mix-ins. Of course he wants mix-ins... everyone wants mix-ins... I'm feeling a little disappointed. But I should never doubt myself. After all -- I'm almost always right...

So then it happened... my influence finally took control of this meat puppet... He said, "I'm sorry... can I change my order?... I'd like Sweet Cream instead."

YES!.... I knew he was a Sweet Cream kind of guy...

Soon I shall take over the world... Narf!


  1. 1000 points for the Pinky and the Brain reference.

    That's some mad Jedi skills you've got there. Next time make the guy pay for your order.

  2. Ok, future birthday girl!
    So what are you going to get me for your birthday?
    I can totally relate to the teeth pain...you should know that MY teeth move on their own, no braces required!

  3. I miss Pinky and the Brain... if they were still on, I would have been on top of my game and totally had him pay for my ice cream... Marble Slab don't come cheap!

  4. Joe, Joe, Joe... Here's what I can do: I'll be in Dallas for Joan Jett. So for my birthday (slightly after) I will almost grace your nearby city with my presence.

    I know -- just what you wanted! It's uncanny.

  5. You put a picture in your comment box!!! Birthday meal, soon? (my driver is available)

  6. Joan Jett!!!! I loved Joan Jett when i was in High School...come to think of it I loved Pinky and the Brain when I was out of High School too :)

  7. I fully respect a person who has no qualms about the public mastication of ice cream. Plus, you're a cancer. (My b-day is in 20 days.)

  8. That is awesome you got him to change his mind. I bow down before you!

  9. I too Love Ice Cream and I think I have you beat my Birthday is in 5 days ;^) so who is buying the ice cream.

    Hopefully your teeth will be feeling better by then.

  10. I'm so inspired by this writing that I have decided what I want for my birthday (it's a couple weeks after yours). It will definitely be ice cream. I'm having an ice cream cake. I quit liking regular old birthday cake a while back anyway. Maybe that is the secret to the control thing. I don't seem to have any control over others, what-so-ever. It will be my new quest! :)

  11. Ms. A - IM me, we'll chat.

    Bendigo - It's like we share a brain (or a pinky... tee hee)

    Robyn - Day... schmay... it's our birthday MONTH LONG CELEBRATION!!!

    Jerry - Just as I intended... bwahaha

    Jimmy - Happy early birthday!!!

    Susan - I haven't had a cake in years either. My mom makes me lemon icebox pie. Not that I turn my nose up at cake or anything... but pie (or ice cream) is higher up on my list of things to do!

  12. Check it out! We have Coldstone's out here.... Same idea though....

    Some guy went to coldstone, ordered all 40 toppings on his ice cream and ate the whole thing.... It's all filmed! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzZAtrImkDc

  13. With that superpower of persuasion, you could actually rule the world!! Kristy, at the head of the world...yeah I think I'd like that!;) I'd LOVE to try that ice cream you kept describing..it looks awesome!

  14. I am currently negotiating my salary with my new boss right now. Could I hire you to use your mind powers to persuade a higher rate/ 25% goes to you of course so the higher you get it, the better.

    Sorry about your wisdom teeth. Mine was torturous.

    Mike brought up Cold Stone and now I'm hungry for ice cream...at 10am!