323 - Epic Fail

Remember how excited I was?

That made the fall all the more dramatic... No follicles. None. Had my camera ready to take pictures, felt like an ass. Estrogen rose a little then it actually dropped. So we're basically done with this cycle. I may try again... I don't know. It was a more difficult process than I thought it would be. A few highs, and way too many lows. Has made me feel pretty bad about myself as a woman actually. Like a failure. Does make me feel justified in my decision not to involve my parents though.

Mike and I are discussing our next steps, but I realized I told way too many people about this process and will now have to deal with sympathetic looks and unsolicited advice about what we should do now... and I really don't need that. I wish I had kept my mouth shut. If I sound bitter I'm sorry, I have had a rough couple of days. Stayed home from work to get my head on straight. Did better today, didn't feel like a zombie like I did from late Monday until I woke up this morning. My eyes aren't leaking anymore (seriously there's a difference between crying and suddenly realizing there are tears streaming down your face). May go in tomorrow. Don't know yet. Seriously debating it. Don't have vacation time so it eats into what we can save if I have to take leave without pay.

On the upside, this little episode proves that I really do have the best husband in the world. Being on different time schedules with intermittent internet access makes it hard, but he checked in on me anyway. He has said all the right things to make me feel better about this, and about going forward. Somehow I got extremely lucky and ended up with him. Can't wait until July when I can feel his arms around me again... miss that so much.

Anyway, probably won't be blogging for a while. Who knows, right now I don't know how I feel from one second to the next.


  1. I know it's an extreme letdown, but, IF there's a bright side, it's that you now know what you are capable of doing. That was a lot to endure and you did it. You gave yourself injections, followed rigid scheduling and subjected yourself to medical procedures. Plus, if you do decide to do it again, you won't be unfamiliar with the process. Disappointment will always be disappointment, that part won't change. Don't worry about what you said here. You KNOW we are behind you, 100%. Heck fire, if you need me to, I can get in front of you and pull you along! I'm here if you want to talk, or need to cry. I'm a good crier, I'll cry with you! Please don't leave us.

  2. This makes me sad. You know my email if you want to just shoot the shit...


  3. I can't imagine anyone telling you what to do. That is between you and your husband. I am so sorry and....*hug*