322 - Owie

The clinic I go to posts lab results on a patient portal. I meant to look at the numbers when I got the news that my FSH was normal, and promptly forgot... so as I was going to bed that night I suddenly remembered and got up because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I saw them. My FSH went from 17.4 down to 2.57. I'm not just normal, I am on the lower end of normal. So I felt even more reassured by that. A friend suggested that maybe the fibroid they removed was the culprit all along, and I agree. I'm sure the birth control and the acupuncture and the lower stress levels all played their part, but the fibroid makes a lot of sense.

Last night was an adventure. My first shot. Getting the liquid into the syringe didn't go quite as smoothly as I expected. I've loaded syringes before, for the cats, but for some reason, even though the tip of the needle was below the level of the liquid, it just wasn't going in. Finally got the 1 cc of liquid in though. Then I started mixing it with the powders, one vial at a time. About halfway through I noticed there were 2-4 drops worth of liquid left in each vial, which isn't such a big amount in just one vial, but multiply that times eight and it starts to matter. I had been putting the vials over the syringe and pulling down, but had seen a video online where a woman held the vial at an angle and put the bevelled edge of the needle in the lower corner of the vial... that worked great, so I went back and collected all the drops. Tonight it shouldn't take quite as long to mix everything now that I know what to do (I was still well within the 20 min time limit).

So I psyched myself up, changed the needles out (one for mixing, one for injecting), was pleasantly surprised to see how small the needle was compared to the cap that covered it. I had swabbed the area with alcohol before I mixed everything, so I just went for it. Forgot to pinch a damn inch. After the needle was in there, I panicked and pinched it anyway... what the hell good I thought it was going to do, I don't know... Started to push the plunger...

I remember the nurse said I could use 1 cc up to 1-1/2 cc's of liquid if it burned 'too much'. I understand now what she meant. It burned. It wasn't such a big deal to stick myself with the needle, continuing to push the plunger was not such an easy matter. I'm kind of glad now that I had to do it myself, because I had control over it. I think had Mike been doing it, I would have screamed, because he would have shot it all in there at once - like I had been planning to do. So I thought when I pulled the needle out the burning would stop. Oh but no. It did NOT stop. Instead, it continued to burn, and my muscles started to clench. It felt like that time when I was seven, getting a shot in the thigh and I tensed up and almost broke the needle... hurt like hell for the next few days. That kind of pain is what I felt immediately after the needle came out.

So I started feeling warm, and light-headed... that nasty pre-cursor to puking, know what I mean? I went to lay down... started rubbing the area trying to get the medicine distributed instead of it sitting there localized. That wasn't working, so I started jiggling my tummy fat instead. You laugh, but after a minute of doing that, I felt better. I was able to get up and do things again and even though I sometimes still feel tender in that area, it hasn't bothered me much.

I learned a few lessons from that... I will be sitting down when I give tonight's injection, and I will pinch before I poke, then I will immediately lay back and begin to jiggle. Also gonna move the shot to 9 o'clock so I can take a bath first, that may also help because I'll be relaxed and my skin will be warm. And if I don't feel well I can just go to bed without having to worry about anything else.

Felt okay today. A little crampy, slightly bruised. I think as the level of medication increases in my system I may start to feel additional side effects like nausea and sore boobs. Luckily I have a weekend to laze around, and a house full of food. Except for acupuncture, I don't have to go anywhere.

One down... a few more to go... I will know more about what's happening and when on Monday.

Have been struggling with what to tell my parents when I get pregnant. Thinking the question of how it happened is inevitable since Mike is in Afghanistan at the present time and has been since the beginning of April. Thought about all the lies I could tell them... the doctor removed a fibroid (true) and gave me Clomid (true in the past) so when I went to visit Mike (true) in Italy (false) the stars aligned and yea! - you're having grandkids! (pause for reaction) Or I could soften it to IUI instead of IVF, omitting the surgeries and the medication... it was just a catheter and Mike's boys - hey what a party - by the way - you're having grandkids! (pause for reaction)

But in the end I think I will just tell them that I've decided not to go into detail about how it happened, everyone just needs to be happy that it did happen. And did I mention that you're having grandkids???

I know that if they find out I did IVF and didn't tell them, they will turn into a reason to be upset with me. If I tell them, they will worry, and they will get their hopes up (and they will stress me the F out). By not telling them I'm actually trying to do something nice. But somehow I doubt they are going to see it that way. I don't want to have to argue about it and tell them that this is between Mike and I and they didn't need to be involved, or bring up two recent health events they didn't share with me... I don't want it to get ugly and I realized I was already bracing myself for it. I honestly hope they will be so happy I'm pregnant that it won't come up, but I know my mom, she's more curious than a cat and like a cat, when she gets ahold of something, she won't let it go. So keep your fingers crossed for me.