208 - A Different Kind of Shortie

Thanks for dealing with my meltdown last night. Hope to see some of you at my Pity Party this evening. Fun starts promptly at 7 pm. =)

There seems to be a glut of teenaged singers out there right now... Miley Cyrus... Taylor Swift... The Jonas Brothers... You know which one I like? Selena Gomez. She's adorable. And classy. Check out this video... she manages to be a little bit sexy, but not trashy or inappropriate. And she can actually sing. Something about her seems more mature than her meager seventeen years. Just thought I'd throw my two cents in.

We used to play this game a lot on Myspace... Put your iTunes on random and list the first ten, no matter how embarassing. I have 13,623 songs. I definitely don't like all of them. I collected them through various means and don't feel like going to the effort of getting rid of them, because you never know when someone else might be looking for a song you have, or maybe you want to have people over for some Tex-Mex and you actually want to listen to a mariachi band while you eat. I'll be honest, some of these songs... I've probably never heard before. I would just base this on my three star and up playlist, but I recently transferred all of my music to another drive and all my hard work went right down the drain... ratings, gone. Bugger.

No idea what's going to happen here.

A brief note about my rating system (I'll be rating these as I go along) -- My rating system is arbitrary and ill-defined...

• One Star - Reserved for songs that are absolutely atrocious, or comedy sketches that I wouldn't want coming up on a playlist
• Two stars - A song I don't particularly like, but it doesn't turn my stomach
• Three stars - A song that is passable; I don't mind listening to it every once in a while
• Four stars - A song that I really like, but if I had to choose between it and a five star song, the five star song would win out
• Five stars - An honor reserved for songs that I absolutely love and often listen to twice before moving on

1) Lifestyles of the Not So Rich and Famous by Tracy Byrd - Never heard it before. Typical country line dance song (I can seriously picture the people dancing). Neither good nor bad, but it would get three stars.

2) Popeye by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - This is not my fault. A friend loaded these onto my computer. I would really classify this as comedy because it's a punk version of the theme to Popeye the Sailor Man. Songs like these are cute the first couple of times you hear them, you might even share them with your friends to prove that you have a sense of humor, but I tire of them quickly... one star and a 'comedy' genre classification. Songs in the 1 min 25 sec range rarely take themselves seriously...

3) Do You Fear For Your Child (artist unknown) - A random song of the techno persuasion. I have no idea where this 80's beatbox industrial mishmash came from but it sounds like that episode of Friends where Ross finds his old keyboard and starts playing random sounds. It's 5:32, and that's about 5:30 too long. One star.

4) Ghostbusters by Ray Parker, Jr. - Well, well, well... a song for Kato, lol! This one isn't one I'd want to listen to over and over, but it's catchy and brings back good memories... Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man anyone? So I give it three stars.

5) Everytime by Lustral - This was on a free cd I got with the purchase of another cd. It's about the only decent song on the cd, but on the whole, I don't crave it. I feel like Simon Cowell tonight... everything disappoints... three stars and an insulting remark!

6) Fool for the City by Foghat - If I was drinking I might enjoy listening to this song. It's not a complicated song, that's for sure. Three stars. I'm going to keep going until I hit 10 or give something a five star rating... this is depressing! Maybe in honor of Spinal Tap I'll go to at least 11...

7) Let Go by Adema - Well if nothing else I think you're starting to get an idea how eclectic my collection is... I like Adema so even though I don't recognize this particular song, I'm already more apt to give it a higher rating. I find that I do that with people, too. If one of my friends likes you, I start out liking you... what happens after that is anyone's guess... This song isn't a typical Adema song, but I like it. I may have stumbled across a four star gem here... wait... that bridge is a little weak... but... hmmm... thinking... nope, it was going to be four stars but the crappy guitar solo took it down to three... damn. I had high hopes for this one.

8) Light My Way by Audioslave - Ah Audioslave, born of the post-Pearl Jam grunge era. Unfortunate. I hate Pearl Jam and since you remind me of them you have to work harder to impress... Already your Eddie Vedder-like nasal whine grates on my nerves a bit... There are some redeeming bits... but... three stars... just barely. Were you a Nirvana knock-off I might have ranked you higher.

9) What Do You Want? by Mr. T and the Experience - What the hell? Can't I catch a break? Punk. Not my favorite three-cord genre. I know very well where this came from, same place as The Mad Caddies, The Queers, and Anti-Flag... It was a sad day when I traded music with you, Rob... two stars and I'm skipping the rest of the song.

10) Twist/Chi by Korn - Finally something I might like. Right now he sounds like a caveman trying to tell me how to roast an elk. Is he even speaking English? Maybe he's overcome by the spirit of God and he's speaking in tongues... Still, something about it... I like... It's all over the place, primal... Korn... Three stars.

11) Auld Lang Syne by Patrick Ball - Approriate if this were the end, but I must perservere until I break the three star curse. Another Patrick Ball song might have done it, but this isn't a song I want on my iPod (I'm a pod person... run!)... it's a holiday song, and not even one of my favorites (though I do appreciate you Robert Burns!). If you like Celtic music, Patrick Ball is an awesome harp player. Absolutely amazing. I had the honor of seeing him perform live at a small club once. One of my cherished memories.

12) Dublin O'Shea by The Rovers - That'll do Donkey... that'll do... Stereotypical Irish song about drinking and boating. Three stars... with an accordian in the band you're lucky I didn't demote you to two.

13) Mack the Knife by Frank Sinatra - When I have mom and dad over for lunch, I play Big Band because it's something that won't offend. It sets a fun mood. I like Big Band. I kinda like Sinatra, but he's not my favorite. Ella is my favorite, or Bing. You know what? I also like what Rod Stewart did with it. This is also three stars.

14) If I Can't Have You by Yvonne Elliman - I hate disco. I don't know this song. One star.

15) Fire on the Mountain by Bill Monroe - Bluegrass mandolin... listen to them fangers set far to them strangs! A nice change, but still only three stars.

16) Smack My Bitch Up by The Prodigy - Wouldn't you know that a song with this title would be the first five star song on the list? I love The Prodigy! I'm in such a good mood now that I'm going for 20.

17) Happy Holiday (Beef Wellington Remix) by Bing Crosby - Woot! Another five star song! I don't normally like remixes of Big Band, but this one works. It's an excellent holiday song, especially for a cocktail party. And it's Bing! Double woot!

18) Last by Nine Inch Nails - Wow, how the tide has turned. This is when NIN ruled the world. Now that he's in love, there's no angst in his music and... well... it sucks. I used think Trent Reznor could fart into a microphone and make it sound good, but I misjudged. This song gets five stars baby!

19) Rocky Top by Grandpa Jones - Mom and dad used to sing this all the time. And we watched Hee Haw as a family whenever we visited grandma and grandpa. So three stars. I like GJ, he was a hoot. And there's an old lady in the background that reminds me of my grandma, singing for all she's worth, just belting it out in that slightly shrill old lady voice, trying their damndest but still slightly off key... a little like Taylor Swift... bless her heart...

20) Creeping Death by Metallica - What a nice finish! My favorite band... and a very cool song. To me, this was part of the soundtrack to The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub. I read that book with this album playing in the background, looped so that it repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over. In a strange way, it fit the storyline. This is an awesome song in concert, too. We (the crowd) get to raise our fists in the air and scream "DIE!" as James Hetfield sings his part: Die by my hand, I creep across the land, killing firstborn man. It sounds insane, but it's awesome. Creeping Death is the plague God sent to kill the first born sons of Israel, but it passed you by if you painted your door with the blood of a lamb. See... you probably didn't know it unless you're a Metalli-Fan, but James is the son of a preacher man... Five stars of hella cool.

And one to grow...

21) Speedballin by Outkast - Love this song. Andre 3000 is a force of nature. I didn't know who the hell Outkast was, but then I saw Saturday Night Live and they played B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad) and I was blown away (no pun intended). He was all over the stage. From that point on, I was hooked. When I play this song, I can't sit still.

Well, when this little experiment started out I wondered if I was ever going to redeem myself or if I was going to end up looking like a complete loser with horrible taste in music, but I think I rallied there at the end. Phew!