202 - Angst

Been in a really bad funk today. Will have to apologize to the bride for missing the wedding, but I couldn't be there. I wrestled with it all day, right up to the point of no return, but I don't want to be around anyone right now, much less a wedding party. I feel bad, but it would only make things worse... I stare off into space a lot... but that's an improvement over the sobbing. I feel like I should add the disclaimer that if it was one of my best friends I would have forced myself to buck up and at least go to the ceremony... even though I feel bad for missing it, I envisioned myself having too much to drink and having a meltdown after the wedding... not good, right?

It's not only the fact that it's VD that has put me into this funk... oh no... it's compounded by an ugly little family member named Uncle Sam.

I may have screwed up on my tax return... I filed electronically, and I put in a placeholder for the interest on a bank account, then forgot it was empty, and submitted before I got my end of year tax statement.

What sucks is that I didn't earn enough interest to matter a whit, but the fact that I listed it and left it blank is probably going to delay my return (and the damn 'alerts' on the program I used didn't flag my glaring error).

Wouldn't be such a huge issue except that I have to pay off my windows by the end of March, and I need the money from my tax return in order to do that. If I leave the balance past March, I will owe all of the accrued interest... from day one... and I don't want that. Usually I get balance transfer offers and would be able to move the money to another card, but the only one offering me that option is the bank who holds the credit card I put the windows on... so that won't work. So the only other way I can think of to work it, is to leave part of the credit card I use and pay off every month, as a balance, and redirect that money to the windows. I don't want to have to play it that way, but I don't see another option (selling my eggs is still a no-go).

I may be worrying for nothing. The tax form itself doesn't go into detail, it just shows one line for interest income, so maybe it won't be a problem. Maybe my luck will hold out just a little while longer... but when I used to mail the forms in, you had to attached the 1099's to the 1040, so I assume it's the same in the electronic world.

Logically I know it will somehow work itself out, and I only have to get through the next couple of months, but I'm still stressed out. I'm so tired of struggling. I make a decent living, but I got myself into a bind when all the crap happened with the house. If none of that shit had happened, the windows would have been paid off months ago, I wouldn't have two balances with payment deadlines staring me in the face, and I wouldn't owe my parent's.

Oh, and I found out that I got approved for my braces. But I can't afford them right now.

Boy, whenever I decide to throw a pity party I go all out...

I'm going to end this before it gets even more depressing...VD gets progressively worse for me each year, and this year it's a little overwhelming, but just because I hate it doesn't mean I hope it sucks for everyone else...

I hope all of you are having an amazing VD (and happy birthday to Jen's daughter)!