163 - Shrimp

Last night I ate shrimp.

It was previously frozen.

I'm not sure it was cooked even though the package claimed that the contents were 'fully cooked, shelled and de-veined.' The shrimp I usually eat is firm, and white, and orangey-pink, this shrimp had definite textural issues, and it wasn't very colorful (it wasn't grey either). I should have listened to my gut instead of punishing it, but I ate a shrimp anyway... and immediately decided to put the rest into the microwave. That helped, but there was still a slime issue... yeah, it felt a lit-tle slimy. I soldiered on and ate about six more shrimp slathered in a mixture of ketchup and horseradish, but then I gave up. I almost ate the ketchup and horseradish mixture though, it was yummy.

I soon learned the error of my ways.

Long story short... I will never buy frozen shrimp again. What happened next was so harrowing that I am permanently scarred (not physically, but that would have been an uncomfortable moment, huh?). Suffice it to say, that if those colon-cleansing products really do jump-start your weight loss, then I'm one step ahead of the game -- I am cleaned out.

So I didn't go to work today.

Ironically, I think the garbage men actually came at a reasonable time this morning... the one morning I put the trash out earlier than normal is the morning they came after I would have normally left the house to go to work. Bastards. Why do they hate me? Is it because I almost accidentally ran over one of them when he darted behind my (moving) vehicle as I backed out of the driveway? Idiot. There were a million other places for him to dart.

On the subject of food, has anyone seen You Are What You Eat? It's on BBC America (if you live in the US, that is). Gilian is an interesting character who reminds me a little of my aunt Rose, a tiny little spitfire of a woman who tells it like it is and who has a very particular way about her. She manages to be likeable, although I'm sure that if she's in the middle of chastising you for the contents of your pantry you probably don't see it that way. So where am I headed with this? One of the things she does is shock people by putting a week's worth of meals in front of them. When confronted with what they eat in one week, most people are pretty incredulous at the volume and the sheer lack of color... when she asks how it makes them feel to see it only a few of the really dumb ones dare to admit that it makes them hungry... What I notice about every single table is the blandness. Everything is golden brown because it's all fried, there are very few vegetables. Then she presents a table full of the food they're going to be eating, and it's like a beautiful bouquet sitting there on the table... greens and yellows and reds and purples...

I need to eat more vegetables. I do a fairly good job of it, but I could do much, much better. Right now I eat frozen dinners for lunch because they're quick, but my main inspiration was Nutrisystem (or Jenny Craig). I figured that instead of signing up for their programs, I could do virtually the same thing by visiting the frozen foods section of the grocery store. I don't eat the healthy ones though, the longer this has gone on, the more I gravitate toward chicken and cheesey rice, or fettuccini alfredo instead of Lean Cuisine or Weight Watchers. In the end I don't think it accomplished what I wanted, and it costs more than if I made something healthy myself and just brought it to work. It also fills my freezer to capacity so that sometimes I worry that I won't have enough room to keep them all, because I buy 2-3 weeks worth at a time (have I mentioned my hatred of grocery stores? gonna have to get over that). At home I eat salads, but my salads are lettuce, cheese, croutons, fake-in-bits, avocado, mushroom, sunflower seeds and ranch dressing. Only four ingredients in that salad are actually good for you. And even though I do eat breakfast, it's a pile of tasty White Cheddar Cheez-its.

Reading Jillian's book last night (yep, from cover to cover between sprints to the loo), I realized that I need to tweak things. A lot. I need to learn to eat a proper breakfast. Breakfast has never been my favorite meal. I don't like anything too heavy to start my day. I don't like eggs unless they're in cakes and brownies. And I don't give myself time to eat at home, I wake up at the last possible moment and sprint out the door every working day. For the rest of my meals I need to learn what a portion is. I need to stop eating ranch dressing, and thank God I now like Italian dressing, because I can use that instead. I need to pay more attention to what I eat. And...

I... need to stop... drinking soda... God help me.

I know that if I try to make all these changes all at once, I will fail. Miserably. So I am going to phase things out. For example, I bought Cheez-its on sale, so I still have 3 more boxes. I'm not going to waste them, but after those 3 boxes are gone, I will switch. Same with all the soda. Cut back a little at a time and eventually phase them out. I have about 2 months worth of crap to plow through, and in the meantime I will study so I'm ready for my 'graduation' to a better diet. My achilles heel is going to be learning to plan out my meals. And as Bendigo noted in his blog, procrastination works against me. It's probably the most all-encompassing of my problems so that if I named each of them individually, they'd all link back to that one word: procrastination. Somehow I've become a slave to my computer and will sit here and read blogs and surf the net for HOURS when I should be doing busy work like preparing meals and planning my shopping list and exercising... all the little minutae that makes up a real life.

Oh, exciting news -- I did find a tea that I like! It's the vanilla chai... a little bit of milk... a little bit of honey, and it's quite nice. I don't even taste the tea. I may have to go to Starbucks to get the other one I know I like because my grocery store didn't have it. So that's two teas actually.

I've been watching a Tabatha's Salon Takeover marathon all day as I went about my business. She's fun to watch. Harsh. Brutally honest. But I'm learning that people like discipline, they like routines. When we don't have structure, most of us fall apart. I guess that's one reason that I didn't like management... I don't like to be the one providing that, not that I ever fell like I want to be on the other end either... I'm not a good leader in most situations, I like other people to be in control.

All these blogs start out so short in my head...

Got my Shape Ups today. They felt weird at first, but I adapted pretty quickly... it's a lot like being in marching band... heel, toe, heel, toe. I like them enough to test them out on the treadmill tonight. It doesn't feel like I'm working any muscles, but it doesn't seem like I slouch as much as I normally do -- doesn't seem like I can (it's a bad habit I really need to focus on improving), and my muscles are the teensiest bit sore. So something good is going on!

Now to return some things to a friend, come home, and get ready to wind down my day. I'm feeling a lot better now, so I'll be going back to work tomorrow, and I will attend the first team meeting since I officially stepped down. *happy*