147 - The After... glow... or math...

I've thrown, and been invited to, some great parties in my time, but I have to say, last night's get together is in my top five. That said... damn... I'm not as young as I used to be...

The party lasted until well past four in the morning but it didn't feel like nearly that long. 'Tis true that time flies when you're having fun. I also had a few overnight guests... it's nice to have a guestroom, and I'd much rather utilize it than worry whether people got home alright -- but the best part is that I didn't have to convince anyone to stay like I would have when we were younger and pigheaded. They did it voluntarily.

It was like a mini-high school reunion since all but one person graduated with me in '91 (havin' fun, class of '91... that was our motto, and we certainly did it proud...). Our graduating class had over 800 people in it, and I realized during our conversations last night that I have forgotten a great many of them... Funny to think of it statistically, but I had 1% of our class in my house, and a representative from almost every social class... jocks... band geeks... dance squad... honor students... stoners... cowboys... hooligans... not sure what we're missing except maybe a rep from the 'gazebo people'. We had an open campus with a courtyard in between the buildings and they hung out at the gazebo... thus the name... they gathered together but sat alone, never talking, draped in black clothing, hair dyed black, lips covered in black, eyes surrounded by black, nails black... all of which contrasted severely with their pasty white skin. So basically they were goth.

I like knowing that no matter where we are in life, we'll always have this bond (I almost accidentally typed a g there at the end of that word... good grief, lol) of having grown up together. It may not seem like much, but it really does matter. Most of the people I now consider friends were actually little more than acquaintances back in the day, but we have history together, and that was a stepping stone. I don't know if it's class-wide, but when it comes to my little group, I know that if I needed support, I would have it coming at me from every direction. I'd like to be more eloquent about it, but brain... fuzzy...

And here's a stunning revelation... I actually played the piano. In front of people. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever play in front of people because I put too much pressure on myself and end up frazzled. My fear that I'll make a mistake is usually a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it doesn't help matters that I am easily distracted. Anyway, I played the first movement of Moonlight Sonata (the one everyone recognizes) and didn't screw up that much, even on the arpeggios... When I started playing there were only three people in the room and I had them shut the door, which inexplicably made me feel more comfortable... when I finished, the door was open and everyone was standing there, watching me. It was amazing... normally movement of any kind makes me lose my concentration, or the noise of the door being opened would have, but I was completely oblivious to it all. So anyway... that was cool...

I had to skip out on a brunch I was supposed to go to this morning. I would have enjoyed the company, but I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the food, and I was exhausted. Even so, the reason I actually cancelled is that I still had company until almost 12:30. And when I say that, I'm not complaining. It was nice to have someone to make muffins for, and I really enjoyed our conversation because I got to know more about this great person that I really didn't know very well, even though we'd been around each other since the third grade.

Marc is a thinker, like me, but possibly more intense... my thoughts aren't necessarily deep, but they are legion, and so it is with his thoughts (except for the deep part... on the whole, his seem to be much more contemplative). Like me, Marc has a difficult time shutting his mind down, so he has to find things to focus on in order to find some semblance of peace. Both of us use writing as an outlet, so there you go... another writer for me to trade ideas with.

On that note, a lot of people tell me I think too much, or they chide me, claiming that I spend too much time thinking. My problem is that when I never have just one thought, I have (on average) ten thoughts, all at once (you may have picked up on that as you read my blogs). Each thought is a different take on the same situation, and it can just as quickly lead to another batch of related thoughts... though sometimes the thoughts don't seem related until I reveal my train of thought. So in essence, in a one minute span of time, a single thought has exponentially multiplied like tribbles, and it's overwhelming... not only to me, but to other people. I don't actually put effort into developing these thoughts of mine, and I don't spend a significant amount of time trying to make them materialize, but it appears that way to the people who don't live in my noggin. And they give me crap for it sometimes. Which sucks.

Oh... my one gripe about the party... my friend's wife... I just don't have much in common with her so it's always awkward for me to try and connect. I try, but she's so serious, and she pretty much limits the conversation to family... nothing exists beyond that. Nothing. Also, I see them interact sometimes and just want to tell her to lighten up... he'll be making a joke, and she will take the serious approach in her (often unnecessary) response (retort), almost to the point of rolling her eyes and reprimanding him like a child (okay, she actually does roll her eyes). I don't know if I've ever heard her laugh... But that's not the gripe. The gripe is that she wanted ice, so I showed her where my freezer was... I have one of those French door fridges where the freezer is on the bottom... not complicated, but she's not the first to have difficulty finding the freezer, so... She looked at all the food and made the comment that that was a lot of food for one person. It was the tone, not the statement... it felt a judgement rather than an observation. I'm sensitive to anything that sounds weight related, so that pretty much translated to 'wow, you eat a lot' which quickly morphed into 'no wonder you have a weight problem'. Bam. I've shut down.

In truth, I had just gone to the grocery store and I hate to go, so I usually buy 2-3 weeks of food at one time... and it's the holiday season, so I bought food for parties and dinners and such that I don't normally buy... and hell -- it's a freezer, so I've got stuff in there that I bought to have on hand when I throw an impromptu dinner party, or food that I just haven't used yet... a freezer is a lot like a pantry, you keep things in there that you may not intend to use immediately, but if it's well stocked, then you have options... all these explanations that, instead of blurting out her comment, she could have figured out for herself. But then... I'm a thinker... and a sensitive one at that.