018 - Lurv

This about sums it up: "Christian, you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. But I know about art and love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being." (from Moulin Rouge)

We all want love. We do. It's elusive sometimes, but like donkeys, we chase that apple. Sometimes we catch it and we find a worm, other times it's perfect.

Me? I'm addicted to it... in the form of reality tv. I love to watch dating shows. Last night was the finale of Daisy of Love and tonight I'm watching The Bachelorette. I have a knack for knowing who will be chosen... tonight it will be Ed (I knew even when he left that he was the right guy for Jilian... and then he came back). Last night I knew it would be London (ditto... although I don't think he's the right guy... that guy was 12-Pack).

In my own life, not so easy. My recent choices haven't been so good. But I've learned something from each of them, and I no longer want the guy that I chose over and over again - because that's exactly what I did; I repeated the same mistake. So I have a few scars, some of which I won't even realize I have until a situation comes along that reveals them to me, others of which are very obvious. I should be so incredibly jaded at this point, and I have definitely lost hope along the way, but it's like a boomerang and it always comes back to find me.

For now, I'm jealous of an entirely different kind of love... my cousin posted that she got tons of Eli kisses today... I haven't seen him in months... I'm not one of those people who loves all children, in general I'm not a kid person... I don't hate kids, I'm just don't go ga-ga over a kid because it's a kid. Eli though... he is super adorable. He's the kind of kid that makes me want to consider having one of my own someday... or maybe just taking a trip to see my family next year. Yeah... that's a much better idea!

And on that note... time to get ready for bed. I didn't get much sleep last night so I feel like a zombie... which means I'll stare up at the ceiling for several hours and wake up a zombie tomorrow, too!


P.S. They tried to throw me a curve ball, but I was right... it was Ed.