Allow me to introduce myself, my name (formerly Kristy) is (now) Job. If it didn't cost money, I'd look into changing it.
Today I met with a foundation repair company (well... not the whole company, just one friendly representative). My foundation is cracked. I need 12 piers. Piers cost money. I know the cost is 'reasonable,' but what I'm going through right now is not...
You know what else costs money??? A/C units... they cost money. Gutters? Money. Windows cost money. Soffits also cost money. Dryers cost money. Car batteries cost money, as do tires. Fences - not free. Exterminators to kill carpenter ants - they cost money. And just so I have something else to look forward to, I'm sure that raccoon did some damage in the attic that I have yet to suffer for... probably something expensive and/or dangerous.Someone out there hates Kristy.
I'm ready to start selling my eggs because I'm out of fucking money. I'm juggling so many credit cards at the moment, that all I need is a kitten and a chainsaw to make it slightly more challenging (and so entertaining that people might be willing to pay to watch the ensuing madness).
So, I will probably never leave my house again. I can't afford to do anything but sit at home eating ramen noodles and drinking chicken broth (the kind made from bouillon cubes). Or can a person live on tap water?Things aren't quite that bad... but they're not good either. I keep thinking that if I had a nervous breakdown I could go to one of those nice mental health retreats where they let you ride horses and hang out by the pond, and feed you happy purple pills that look like smiling cyclops-es... (I'm doing that scales-of-justice thing with my hands as I consider this)
It's times like these that having ethics really annoys me; I could use a sugar daddy about now...
I'm back and dropping a note to let you know this post has been nominated to receive the best "Rant" of the year award. Good luck!
ReplyDeletehttp://thedailydoseofreality.blogspot.com/2009/12/first-annual-ddor-year-end-awards-part_18.html
LOL, I'm a good ranter and bitcher!
ReplyDeleteLove it! Who needs money when you're funny? Oh wait, I guess you might still need money, like to eat and stuff. But still! At least you're hilarious. Instead of selling eggs try stand-up!
ReplyDeleteIt might be less painful! I actually looked into it though... (the eggs, not the standup)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I just found your blog but I'm really enjoying it